An inspired mind is the gateway to future!

Session A: Engage with confidence 
‘Dolphin syndrome’:  Dolphins are trained to perform a ‘show’ and rewarded with a few morsels of fish for their act. Over time, dolphins stop living for themselves and only do so for the rewards that are held out to them.

They condition themselves to lose their appetite to hunt by themselves. They enjoy the comfort of assured food and appreciative applause so much that they restrict themselves to only doing show jumping.They forgo the excitement of adventure.

Gradually, they develop an aversion to go into the ocean and lead a life of their own. In spite of being born free, they seem to have lost their confidence to enjoy their  independence!

Distinctive lifelong personal growth is a result of acquired and demonstrated mastery in two areas:

• Expectation setting and
• Competence building.

Outcome: Discover 'Core dysfunctionality'

You know you are good at something. But 'something' stops you from doing what you are best at doing. Let us crack that 'something' through a three step process.

Three steps for self discovery

Practice of inquiry: Cultivating the temperament to search for, rather than providing immediate answers. Right through life, we are trained to provide ready made answers to every question. We cannot afford to look unprepared or stupid. Right? Wrong. Unmasking the reality demands deeper questioning because the answers may not yet have been found. 

Undesirable Consequence: Start by making a list of 'recurring' patterns of undesirable consequences that you want to 'break free' from. This is tough and we often encounter two problems:

• Nothings come readily to mind. We may have become habitually so defensive or guilty that it escapes our attention. We call this the blind spot. Ask a friend.
• It is such an unpleasant task that our minds naturally wanders off to do something else more enjoyable.  Developing the self begins with an ability to cultivate reflection.
  

Behavior: Next we need to validate the cause for the consequence. How to connect the undesirable consequence to our behavior that may have created it?

• Look first for a recurring pattern. It must have become a subconscious habit. Do we detect a pattern suggesting our tendency to lose temper, take unnecessary risks or play unduly safe for example?
  
• These are the tell tale  ‘facts’ we may be trying to gather. They may be inconvenient and annoying to admit, but potentially hold the key to our progress.

Antecedent: These are the prejudices and 'frozen responses' we may be carrying from our past. These are the involuntary and subconscious 'triggers' that we may have been conditioned from our childhood that may be holding to to ransom. 

When we come to terms with such 'hidden programs' that drive the consequences of our day to day living, we begin to recognize and label these as our core dysfunctionality.

Such a discovery by itself, will be so reassuring. If you discover more than one such Core dysfunctionality, don't get disheartened. elect for now to focus on one that matters most. We will get to the others later on. Next: Get ready to Deepen the commitment!

Case study: Discovering the source of 'Core dysfunctionaliity'

Akila, my eight year old niece, was eager to impress me with her newly acquired skill. She had learned roller skating that summer and went about the house roller skating all through the day.

One weekend when I happened to visit them, she insisted that I accompanied her for the tournament on roller skating convened by her school. I drove her to the tournament accompanied by her parents. The  tournament started off very well and Akila was going about gracefully. Soon things started to go wrong and she was beginning to lose confidence...

• Consequence: Whenever someone else came in her way, she 'froze' and look at her parents; when the parents gave her a 'cold stare' she would regain her enthusiasm and restart. Again when ever she hit the edge of the skating rink,  she would keel over and look disappointingly at her parents. When the parents returned her looks, she would gather herself and get back into the game all over again. She felt crest fallen and we drove home in silence. 
  
• Behavior: My brother and sister in law were visibly upset at the poor show put up by Akila. On her part, Akila felt guilty having let us down and was nursing a badly bruised sense of self-worth.
  
• Antecedent: At dinner, after ensuring that Akila was fast asleep, the parents asked me what I made of Akila's strange behavior. Having watched the parents interfere with her practice at home, she continued to look for 'parental approval' even during the tournament. While the parents had encouraged her to learn skating, they had not encouraged her to become self confident. She was not permitted her legitimate opportunity to experience 'failure.' Akila's Core dysfunctionality lay in the way she was conditioned to evade failure and lose the opportunity to learn by herself.